How I know that Bigfoot and Nessy don't exist (IN PICTURES!)

     No matter how little evidence, there are always those who will believe in strange creatures. It's OK if they want to do that. Most people believe in lot's of ridiculous things that I choose not to. Here are two of those things.


     Bigfoot, sasquach, yetti, no matter how you say it, you're telling me that you believe there is a giant hairy man living in your woods. While there is no evidence to disprove it, much like the possibility of a good Rob Schneider movie, it's highly unlikely. Let's use something that is all too often overlooked. logic.

     What we surmise about Bigfoot:

1. Lives in woods
2. 6-10ft tall
3. Covered in hair
4. Shy

     Number one, he lives in the woods.  You know what else lives in the woods? Every-damn-thing. People have been camping in the woods for ever. How many bigfoot sightings have their been? There are thousands of people in the woods as I type this. How many of them are going to come back with some bug bites and lots of new Bigfoot stories?

     Number two, he's 6-10ft tall. If he's so hard to spot, how is he so damn big? My dog is 10lbs and less than 1ft tall. Her and I have gone on many trips in the woods. Guess how many times I've lost her. Not to mention the fact that something that big would have to consume 4000+ calories a day. Where is this thing eating? Where are all the dead animal carcases and piles of bigfoot shit?

     Number three, he's covered in hair.  You know what else is covered in hair? Everything else in the woods.

     Number four, he's shy. If I had to eat 4000+ calories a day to survive and I weighed in excess of 500lbs and was 6-10ft tall, the last thing I would be is shy. Assuming I lived in the woods, was covered in hair, needed to eat something, and heard you coming a mile away as you yell at your kids to stop complaining about having to walk, I would totally eat you.

     This debate can quickly be summed up in pictures. What do wild animals do when their habitat is encroached on? They eat your garbage. It's not pretty, but animals don't care about keeping up appearances. Which one of these scenarios have you never seen of before:

      The second creature I take issue with is the Loch Ness monster. Again, not to shit on anyone's parade, but I will be forced to use deductive reasoning and logic. This one doesn't even really need the points broken down. I don't want to call the Scotts liars, but they do have a knack for the story telling. I think I can display reasonable doubt through pictures alone.

THE EFFING MOON

FREAKING MARS

THE G.D. SUN

the Loch Ness Monster

     Hopefully this will be a load off of everyone's mind and we can free up the space in our heads that was formerly occupied by Bigfoot and Nessy to use it toward some greater accomplishment like finally capturing a live chupacabra.