Scumbag Steve. Meme of the year?

Is Scumbag Steve the meme of the year?

advice dog

      While everyone who has used the internet this year has once again been constantly inundated with lolcats and epic fails, many new memes have been making a good case for meme of the year. Most of this years class are based on the classic "advice dog" macro. From Good Guy Greg to First World Problems, there has definitely been a lot of strong competition.

first world problems

good guy Greg

      For me there was only one new meme that had it all. It's Scumbag Steve and he's great on many different levels. Scumbag Steve is a guy that everyone knows. He's THAT guy. If you don't know a guy like this then it's probably you. It's also funny because the real guy in the picture is named Blake and is apparently an OK guy, but the picture took on a life of it's own as an asshole named Steve.

   

Scumbag Steve is an advice dog style macro meme. The meme is based on this picture.

     The picture is of a guy named Blake Boston. It was taken from his rap groups myspace page. Their group is named "Beantown Mafia", their album title is "Ma Gangsta", and his rapper name is "Weezy B". As awesomely funny as all these names are, it keeps getting better. 

     Blake Boston, the real life scumbag Steve, was tracked down and interviewed by various web groups. It turns out that he doesn't rap anymore, he got a job, is going to school, and he's expecting a baby with his girlfriend. He's actually a decent guy!

 

     The first video is of Blake rapping. The second one is a great video of an interview with him talking about being scumbag Steve.

  Since scumbag has taken off to such heights of popularity it has spawned many offshoots.

 

Here is a site that has listed their top 42 "scumbag" spin-offs.

      Not only has Steve created a new genre of memes, he's responsible for enough spin-offs that one site could only narrowed it down to their top 42!

     Well, the moment you've all been waiting for, here are some of my favorite scumbag Steves:

The Maury Recipe

     The Maury show is the only show on television that I watch with any regularity. It started out as your run of the mill daytime talk show with Maury interviewing guests on a variety of topics. Luckily for us viewers, it has completely evolved devolved into the trashy, generalizing, depressing, exciting, wonderful piece of broadcasting it is today.

     The Maury show has 2 basic "events" for lack of a better term. You either have a lie detector test, or a paternity test. Newer episodes have slowly transitioned into the lie detector/paternity test combo, but I am a Maury purist and don't believe in the intermingling of the two.

     Event 1. The lie detector test

     The vast majority of these cases involve a woman who has 10 different reasons why she thinks her man is cheating on her. She calls the Maury show to have them get down to the truth! The guy denies all claims that he has ever done anything wrong and is very offended that his girlfriend doesn't trust him. This usually includes lines such as "I'm so sick of Shantiel always accusing me of cheating! I'm glad I can finally prove to her once and for all that I'm not cheating so she can stop accusing me all the time!". Lie detector results may not be admissible in court, but they are definitely welcome on my TV!

     I'm really not sure why these gentlemen agree to come on the show. They've obviously seen the show before. They must know that no one else that has been on the show has been able to "beat" the lie detector. What would make them believe that they will be the one who can go on there and lie their ass off without any risk of being found out?

     Needless to say, 95% of the time the guy is lying about everything. He's sleeping with her sister, her mom, her best friend, her daughter, her brother, or some combination of the aforementioned. The 5% where it turns out he's not lying are the cases where the woman has completely unexplainable proof that he's cheating. Some of the cases of truth are ones where she finds other girls underwear in their bed, she finds condoms or condom wrappers where they shouldn't be, he comes home without underwear when she knows he had some on when he left, and many other seemingly damning claims.


     Event 2. The paternity test

     The paternity test is the bread and butter of a classic Maury episode. You know how sharks can't stop swimming or they'll suffocate, that's how Maury shows are with paternity testing. The paternity segments follow a pretty standard format. 

The girl is brought on stage and tells her version of what's going on and the crowd sides with her.
The guy performs a scathing monologue from backstage.
The guy is brought on stage and is booed by the crowd and berated by the girl.
The two guests talk with Maury for a couple minutes while crowd repeatedly changes allegiance.
Maury says "well there's only one way to get to the bottom of this", then asks for the results.
Maury says "In the case of 6mo old Tayshu, you are".....cuts to commercial
After commercial Maury reads the results for real this time.
IS father=girl yelling "I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU" about a million times.
Is NOT father=guy dancing around and high fiving crowd. girl runs behind the stage crying and does not know how this could have happened.

     During all this, one of them usually explains that they are 500, 2000, or 5 million percent sure that they're right.

     Another classic move is for the father to deny paternity because he doesn't think the kid looks like him. "Dat aint my baby Mury, look at dem feet Mury, dat aint my baby" "How can dat be my baby? I'm like 6' 4" and dat baby tiny, he like 1' "


Example:

   

 

     At this point it's going one of two ways.

     Or the much less entertaining

     The "You are the father"'s are sometimes accompanied by shouts of "where's my money", a very loud droning "CHHHIIILLLDD SSSUUUPPPPPPOOORRTTT!!", or "you fittin' to pay up" all of which are repeated at least 5 times. This is usually followed by Maury asking the guy if he's going to "step up". The guy ALWAYS says he's going to step up and handle his responsibilities, and take care of his kid, and all that. It's doubtful that it actually happens though.

     I'm not sure why it is, but I never tire of watching this play out. If you live in the central PA area Maury is on CW15-1 at 10AM and 4PM. I encourage everyone to watch it so I don't have to worry about it getting canceled. Who am I kidding? This show is golden!

My top 20 things that will be obsolete in 10 years.

Here's a list of the first 20 things I thought of that will be all but gone in 10 years.

1. Encyclopedias

     Who needs encyclopedias when everyone has the internet in their pocket? They're expensive, they don't cover everything, and they're outdated by the time they're printed!

2. House Phones

     In 10 years cell phones will be so ubiquitous that even your grandparents will have one. Say goodbye to associated nonsense such as "long distance plans", and non-VoIP business phones.

3. Exclusively Gasoline Cars

      In 10 years from now all new cars will be gas/electric hybrids at worst. Hopefully there will be a mix of diesel, CNG, bio-fuel, and hydrogen fuel cells to choose from.

4. The US Postal Service

     It's already on it's way out and the only competitive business strategy that the politicians can come up with is to keep throwing more of our money into it. It recorded a loss of 8.5 BILLION dollars in 2010. That's coming out of your paycheck by the way.

 

5. Cursive Writing in Schools

     It's already being phased out in the more useless of public schools. By the time 2021 rolls around there won't be an 8th grader to be found who's more familiar with cursive than Helvetica. 

 

6. DVD/CD

     It's almost time to dump out that box of VHS and cassette tapes in your closet and fill it back up with DVDs and CDs. 

 

7. Desktop Computers

     One word. Laptoptabletsmartphones.

 

8. Daily newspapers

     How long did it take for you to find out Michael Jackson died? Did you read it in the paper on your lunch break the day after it happened or did you hear about it within hours?

9. Non-SSD Hard Drives

     No more spinning platters with magnetic heads. All storage will be solid state. 

 

10. FAX Machines

     The first fax patent was filed in 1843. The last fax sent will hopefully be later this week.

11. Phone Books

     I'm not even sure that people use them now, but they sure as hell keep delivering them!

12. Maps/Atlas

     Gone will be the days of planning out your trip using the old atlas. Who would want to when the mapping and GPS of today can reroute you on the fly, knows what the speed limits are on different roads, and figures out the fastest route for you?

13. Digital Cameras

     Have you seen the pictures the iPhone 4s takes? We'll probably be on the iPhone 12z in 10 years and it will have a better built in camera than any digital camera in existence today. As will all other phones, and tablets.

 

14. Bars of Soap

     This one really irks me. Women don't seem to use bars of soap at all already! Last time I bought soap it was hard to find it in it's own little section in between the 2 isles of "body wash".

15. Keys on Cellphones

     Everything will be touch screen....EVERYTHING!

16. Movie Rentals

     This one is basically already here except for the Redbox and similar kiosk style automated rental machines. I'm not sure why Redbox thought it was a good idea to start a movie rental business in this day and age, but god bless them for trying. 

 

17. American Women Under 30 with HPV

      Pretty much every girl in the US under 20 has had the immunization for HPV so in 10 years it should be rarely spread because who wants to have sex with a girl over 30? Just kidding,.....kinda,.....not really......

18. Perms

19. Wired internet

     WiFi, Bluetooth, WiMAX, 3g/4g, satellite, or be tethered to a jack in the wall like a Cat5 noose. I wonder which one people will choose?

20. Grocery Store Cashiers

     I've already been in a CVS by the USC campus that has nothing but self checkouts and one person standing in the middle in case there are problems. This seems like the obvious progression when the government makes it more and more expensive to have an employee every year.

     Well there you have it. 20 things that you'll be telling your completely uninterested grandchildren about when your kids force them to beam over to your house for a "visit" when it's really just to get away from them for a while because they're still a little mad about them shitting their spacesuit the day before.

Cops vs. Vampires

     It's recently occurred to me that vampires and cops are basically the same thing.

 Here are some of the similarities:

 1. They both do most of their work at night. Cops reasoning for this is that the "bad guys" are out doing bad guy type stuff almost exclusively during the evening hours. Vampires have a more reasonable explanation for their post-sunset tomfoolery in that they may burst into flames and blow up during the daytime. Regardless of the rational, they definitely share a similar schedule.

 2. They can both take a gunshot to the chest. Everyone knows that only wooden bullets(and sometimes silver) can kill a vampire. Cops wear bulletproof vests to not only withstand the occasional blast to the chest, but have the added benefit of not being susceptible to the aforementioned(rarely used) wooden or silver projectiles.

3. Women like men in uniform. Suspiciously enough, they also seem to have a fondness for vampires! The later may be due to some type of mind control or hypnosis. More research is needed into this.

4. They both need your permission to enter your home. Aside from the occasionally issued search warrant, cops need to have your permission to enter your home. Vampires also need your permission to enter your home but unlike vampires, once a cop is in the middle of destroying/digging through all of your shit it's very hard to retract your invitation.

 5.  They both suck your blood. Vampires literally suck your blood while cops choose to suck your financial blood through fees, fines, parking tickets, speeding tickets, street sweeping tickets, fix-it tickets, registration, inspection, emissions testing, the list goes on and on.

 

  6. They both have an asshole-y superiority complex. While Vampires attitudes are easier to accept since they're really old and super strong and all that, cops same attitude is completely unwarranted. The job description is to "serve and protect" not to "hassle and fine". 

     I wish Groupon would profile me. I know "profiling" is a dirty word now, but I thought they at least still did it in advertising and sales. What is the point of sending me random offers that may or may not have anything to do with my interests? The only thing they accomplish is to make me not want to look at their offers at all anymore since they're never anything I'm interested in.

 Here's me in a nutshell:

Straight

Mostly White

Male

24-38

American

Veteran

Work with my hands

Own the same 4 pairs of jeans as I did 2 years ago

Have no Idea why anyone would go to a day-spa

Buy my shirts at Goodwill

Seldom vacation

Never been on a diet 

Don't have cable TV and seldom watch

     I signed up to Groupon because I read about how Groupon was a recent start-up business that was a huge success. I figured that they must be doing something right and making all of their customers happy so maybe I should try it too. Well, apparently all of Groupons customers are housewives with a lot of disposable income. Here are some of the wonderful offers Groupon has matched me up with so far:

Two- or Three-Night Stay for Up to Four at Mountain Creek Cabins in West Virginia

I have a family cabin that is 1. WAY closer 2. Is FREE, and 3. Is not in banjo and butt raping country.

Three Laser Hair-Removal Sessions on Small, Medium, or Large Area at Dr. Joanna DeLeo (Up to 83% Off)

 

Does this look like the face of a guy that is concerned with laser hair removal, or pencil hair addition?

 

$26 for Pair of Weight-Loss Hot Pants from Zaggora ($71.86 Value)

Word problem number 1.

My interest in buying or wearing hotpants is to 0 as my interest in looking at girls wearing hotpants is to?

A.

82% Off Pearl Necklace from My Pacific Pearls

Sexual euphemism aside, the only thing I think of when I hear pearl necklace is Barbara Bush.

      In summation, Groupon you have let me down. Please start taking more personal information from your subscribers and trying to profile them as much as possible. I realize taking person info and profiling have gotten a bad rap as of late, but it has served the marketing, advertising, and sales industries well for 100's of years. I want you to be as awesome at the article said you were but you're falling well short of that goal.

     I've given you a general profile of myself at the top of this blog, but I will also include some key words to associate:


Chainsaw
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Guitar
Technology
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Cars
Mechanical
Meat
Documentaries
Yoga pants
Politics
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