Easy 4 minute bachelor breakfast

     If you're a single dude, making breakfast is a necessary evil that should be dealt with as quickly and easily as possible. In a perfect world it will also create very few dirty dishes.

     This is how I do it.

Safety first

     As natural as it seems, you should not be in the kitchen wearing nothing but your boxers.

I recommend something like the above. Here I'm wearing bear feet slippers, pajama pants, and a Slick Rick shirt. Slick Rick can be substituted with the musical artist of your choice. Except for Nickelback, none of this will work if you're wearing a Nickelback shirt.

Next we gather our supplies

These are the basics.

Crack two eggs in a coffee mug

Take your mug and crack two eggs in it one handed like a boss! Don't concern yourself with any little pieces of shell that might get in there. Shell is all calcium. It's good for your coat.

*Optional

At this point you can throw in other stuff you like in eggs. I add salt and milk, but I feel like bacon bits might be good to try sometime too.

Mix all that shit up

While mixing I usually mumble to myself "mixing it up like the shit was in a blender" and then I can't remember any of the other words or even which Beastie Boys song that is from.

Time to bring the heat

Put the mug in the microwave for about a minute and fifteen seconds depending on how old and crappy your microwave is.

Put the bread in the toaster while the eggs are cooking. The toast usually takes half the time that the eggs do so you have some margin of error here as far as doing all of this as fast as possible.

Pulling it together

When the eggs come out they'll be kind of ....inflated? I'm not really sure what to call it, but you're going to want to stab at them and mix them up in the mug before you dump them out.

Dump the eggs on the plate, grab the toast, and head to the sink.

Rinse the residual egg stuff out of the mug and use it for your drink. You can add a piece of fruit if you're into that.

Clean yourself up

Here's one of the best reasons to make breakfast like this. When you're done you've only dirtied a fork and a mug! You'll be glad about this the next time someone says they're coming over and you don't have to wash a million dishes before they get there so they don't think you're a scumbag. Not that that's ever happened.


There you have it. The breakfast I feel has perfectly balanced my laziness with my desire to eat and my need to make it as fast as possible. I made this, ate it, and cleaned the dishes up all while taking pictures and the whole ordeal only took 12 minutes. That's hard to beat.

The super easy 4 step haircut for guys

     For guys, spending money on getting your hair cut is just dumb. The only kind of guys that really need to go to a barber or salon are the ones that think they need to look like they're in a boy band. This informative post is not intended for those types. 

Step 1. Need a haircut
     I think I probably could have stretched it out a few more days, but it's close enough.

 Step 2. Shave that shit all even 
     Pick any length clipper attachment you want and shave everything all the same length. I went with a #2 here because that seemed like what I usually use. I immediately realized it was shorter than what I wanted and it was too late. Don't do that. Don't go with the number two just because it's fun to say.
 

 Step 3. Make a straight line somewhere
    Now that you've shaved that shit all even it's time to test your coordination.

     What you need to do is pick a spot somewhere between the top of your ear and the top of your forehead. Large foreheaded individuals will unfairly have a bigger range to choose from. I just randomly picked a spot in the middle that was high enough I wouldn't clipper my ear of by accident. Making it even and straight the whole way around is a huge pain in the ass in the back. You need to stand in front of a big mirror and hold a second mirror behind your head while clippering with the other hand. The difficulty of this is compounded by the fact that when you're doing this everything will seem backwards. When you see that you need to move your hand a certain direction, you actually have to move it the other way because of the mirrors.

     If you're a bachelor and you can't find a second mirror you can use a CD. I used "feels like home" by Norah Jones, but other artists would probably work too.

 




Step 4. Fade the line
     Basically what you want to do here is hold the clippers parallel to the ground and move them straight up and down. I've drawn an excellent depiction below. Once again, this is a MF'r in the back so go slow. If you mess it up you can just make a new line a little farther up and try again.

     That's really all there is to it. You should be good for another 3 weeks at least! 


Then all you have to do is get dressed up and go do something awesome!